The Hungry Apple

Today Marks my 100th post! Can you believe it? Well, you probably can, since you are not the one who is constantly taking pictures of your food and writing short stories about them. It’s probably gone by rather quickly for you. Still, I can hardly believe it.

I started this blog as a way to document and share my recipes while hoping that my humor doesn’t get lost in translation while people are [hopefully] reading it. Now it has become my favorite hobby. Sure, I liked to cook before but now I REALLY  look forward to entertaining you and making myself seem like a gourmet chef!

Over the past 6 months I have had lots of people tell me that they like to cook but they get discouraged when they fail and they tell me that it must be nice to successfully make so many meals. This is when I know that the facade I am creating is paying off.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have decided to share my most miserable failures since I started the blog. As you will see I could easily start a blog about failed cooking attempts. It might be funnier but probably a little less useful.

No Yeast Cinnamon Rolls.

Biggest failure to date.

I was so impressed with myself. I woke up early on a Saturday to surprise everyone with a homemade batch of freshly prepared cinnamon and sugar magic. “This Saturday I will not be popping open a can of Pillsbury’s” , I thought to myself. I carefully made the dough and rolled it out. I tucked all the rolls neatly into a pan and before long everyone  in the house was awakened by the smell of freshly baked bread and all the noise I was making with all the dishes I dirtied.

Too bad those bundles of bread tasted like raw dough. They were cooked through but they were so sugary that they made your teeth hurt. Gave a whole new (and very bad) meaning to the term Sweet Roll.

Artichoke Lasagna.

AKA “Noodles with Chicken Broth and Green Clumps”

This recipe sounded promising. A savory lasagna, with no cheese (healthy!) and a homemade roux to make you not miss the cheese. I love artichokes so I though it would be a win for sure.

As I tried to choke it down,  I knew something had gone awry . I actually thought it was o.k.  but 3 other people voted no so I called it a loss.

Cranberry Upside Down Cake

Twas to be the dessert on the night of Angel Hair with Bacon and Egg.  Cranberries were in season and I had never cooked with them. I was trying to impress you guys.  It wouldn’t turn upside down like Martha Stewart said it should either. We had company and I think they ate it to be sweet but it was definitely a fail.

The whipped cream on top was delicious and so the night wasn’t a total loss.

Prosciutto with Grilled Watermelon

Some of the prettiest pictures in blog history. This recipe took prosciutto (salty) watermelon (summery) blue cheese (creamy)  balsamic reduction (a kick) and basil (a burst of freshness) and combined them into a disgusting mess. I was actually sorry that I wasted the ingredients. The watermelon was not good warm. Nothing else mattered after that.

Tofu Stir Fry

I like to think I am diverse so for this recipe I wanted to appeal to the meat substitute fans of the world. I like tofu!  I could never really put my finger on what was so bad about this but it went into the failure column just the same.

Creamy Chicken and Chile Enchiladas

Maybe the sauce just didn’t agree with the whole wheat tortilla and that is what made it taste like the paste in a 3rd grade art project? Whatever it was,  I threw up in my mouth a little.

and last but certainly not least……

Sausage Egg and Cheese “Muffins”

Sure, they tasted o.k. But I think I should have used a different “crust” and I overfilled the cups with egg which resulted in a very dirty oven and 3 very loud smoke alarms.

So, there you have it, my cooking failures.

If nothing else, stay with me for 100 more to find out what else I screw up!